10 Tips for a Thriving Marriage
Mar 14, 2021
At Restoration Counseling, we try to avoid tips and techniques, but here is a short list of recommendations for a thriving marriage, each of which could be explored more deeply:
- Gentle Approach - When there is gentleness, there is space for connection. Harshness or distance destroys connection.
- You Aren't As Old As You Think You Are - Truly, we are all children in adult bodies. What would happen if you treated each other with the same tenderness you offer your children?
- The Issue on the Table is Not the Issue on the Table - Conflict is rarely about what you are talking about. It's how you are talking about it.
- Go to Bed Angry - Nothing good happens in a marriage after 10 p.m. except sleep or sex. If you're angry, go to bed, and allow the morning to welcome new mercy.
- Marriage Allies - You and God are allies together to remove the aloneness in your spouse. And vice versa. At the core, we all feel alone. Who else to remove it but you?
- Disagreements are Not Fights - How you handle the disagreement is what leads to fights.
- Grief is God's Path to Joy - Resurrection does not come until we enter the grief of death, remain there for a season, and allow for healing to enter the grave.
- Sex is an Expression, Not an Event - To be intimate is to offer one another vulnerability, connectedness, and care. It's not something you "do," it's something you express.
- Leaving is about Loyalty - To leave father and mother is not about geography or finances. It's about a transfer of loyalty to your spouse.
- Marriage is about Unlearning - We all come into our marriages having learned ways of relating (i.e. surviving) from our families of origin. Marriage is about unlearning these ways, and learning new ones with our spouse. We don't need to survive our spouse.
If you'd like a thriving marriage, but don't feel like marriage counseling is necessary, check out our Thrive Marriage Lab. We open up once a year to couples who want to experience more connection, understanding, and depth in their marriage.
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