The Minister's Life in a Fish Bowl

We had lived overseas for over 4 years in the same apartment in the city’s most densely populated neighborhood (2.5 million people traversed it daily). As the only family on the team for the first several years, our home became the hub of activity for our mostly single and recently graduated staff and we enjoyed hosting everything from staff meetings to holiday parties. It was a magical season of ministry.

But one thing we lacked. Space. Especially green space in the concrete jungle we called home.

The congestion of the megacity began to suffocate our outdoors-oriented souls and we began to look for alternate housing options that might afford us some elbow room. After some significant searching, we found a neighborhood that promised to offer us both. However, as we started to take action toward moving, we received a direct communication from our leadership.

“You cannot move there. What would others think? That area is too nice.”

Whether we are shopping for new shoes, a new car, or a new home, those in ministry often face a shame barrier our non-ministry friends don’t: we live in a fishbowl for all to see.

There is an unspoken rule, perception or posture (maybe not always that unspoken!) that says, “Pastors, missionaries, and ministers should not have nice things.” Judgment is passed, whether overtly or covertly, that diminishes the goodness of enjoying anything but the lowest priced, lowest quality items. 

And so we don’t enjoy. We self-monitor and limit, we choose something lesser just to make sure our donors, congregants, or co-workers don’t wonder “where did they get all that money?” Or, “Gosh, I donate to their ministry and they spend it on that?”

Or, if we are honest, we go ahead and buy that item or do that thing, and then we hide it. Or perhaps even more challenging, we find ourselves making “understandable” excuses for why it is needed for ministry or how we got it for a deeply discounted price. We excuse our way into having nicer things to avoid the guilt and perception of buying it outright.

We used frequent flier points!

They let us stay for free!

The couches are from Craigslist!

Taking it even one step further, not only are a minister’s purchases on display, but so is everything else: parenting, marriage, body/exercise/health, time management...you name it.

The fishbowl life for ministers can be overwhelming and extremely difficult to navigate.

As I have personally walked this path, I’ve found three anti-fish-bowl postures that have helped tremendously: 

First, the posture of “human-sizing.”

While people in our organizations want to put us on some sort of professional Christian pedestal, I find it overwhelmingly refreshing to human-size myself publicly to be just like everyone else: to make statements about the challenges of parenting, or the glories and struggles of marriage, or the desire to save up for a special vacation or purchase. By stating these normal human-sized experiences as shared, we break down the assumed distances between ourselves and the rest of the world.

Second is the posture of gratitude.

While we may have made great excuses before for “finding it on double-sale” to make the item affordable or making ministry-related excuses to justify the expense (i.e. “I have my Bible study over for relationship-building by watching the game together and then diving into the Word, of course I needed to get a larger screen TV”), we shift into a posture of true gratitude. This sounds instead like, “I’m so grateful for the generousity of God through our donors that has allowed us to get such an amazing gift for our family.” I find that most donors and congregants who may complain about a minister’s spending habits find themselves in a different place when they are thanked and shown appreciation for their generous giving. 

Third is the posture of humility and generosity.

These go hand in hand. Whether it’s with parenting or with purchases, people want to participate in the goodness. To humbly acknowledge the normal every day struggles of life in relationship (i.e. parenting or marriage) while simultaneously offering that which we have learned to others opens the door to non-judgmental relationship. When we truly have a “what’s mine is yours” policy with our lives, learning, and possessions, others are far less likely to judge and far more open to responding with humility and generosity in return.

The fishbowl life is one that ministers of all kinds must acknowledge and live with. And, it can be extremely hard to always feel like your life is on display for all to see. How we engage it can either accentuate or reduce the stigma.

The choice is yours.